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Post by bezzerkker on Dec 3, 2004 1:12:54 GMT -5
This is a poem inspired by William Shakespeare's play "The Tragedy of Julius Caesar" that I wrote for extra credit in my English class.
"Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the dogs of war" And there is no peace anymore. A man dies on his good friend's blade, And his light begins to fade. AS the Pawn becomes a Queen, A madness starts to gleam. Prophecies born of blood lust As Vengeance steps to thrust. Only death begets death. Let them count their breath. Now comes the eulogy, Death read for the conspiracy. Tides turn and sway again. Plebeians, in chaos, swim. They drag another down. Innocent is the drowned. Thus the act comes to end As Rome is, in two, rent.
Reading the act might help in understanding the poem, by the way.
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Post by Evilduck on Dec 3, 2004 18:33:55 GMT -5
I like it.
That said, the A A B B C ... Rhyming pattern seems a bit too choppy for a poem describing such a grim event. It would flow better like a sonnet. A B A B C D C D ...
But I mean the style you used is fine, just my personal preference for a poem that sounds like this.
Also, what's with the phrases: "Let them count their breath" "Innocent is the drowned"
They sound funky. I'd replace "count" with something and also isn't it innocent are the drowned? Again, I like the poem and these are jsut suggestions.
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Post by bezzerkker on Dec 3, 2004 18:45:45 GMT -5
"Let them count their breath" refers to Antony's swear of vengeance upon the conspirators.
"Innocent is the drowned" refers to the poet Cinna being killed by the Plebeians. If I changed it to "Innocent are the drowned" it would have to refer to more than person, which would break the reference.
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Post by Archagon on Dec 3, 2004 19:04:33 GMT -5
Shouldn't it be, "Let them count their breaths"? You can't really count breath.
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Post by bezzerkker on Dec 3, 2004 19:15:02 GMT -5
Oh yeah?! I'll show you... *tries it and passes out since he can only take one breath without it becoming breaths*
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Post by Arachis on Dec 3, 2004 20:01:38 GMT -5
actually... it can be "let them count their breath" if he is referring to them holding back their breath, Ie, wants them to be quiet.
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Post by Archagon on Dec 3, 2004 20:14:41 GMT -5
Really? Google supports your claims, so I guess you're right.
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Post by Evilduck on Dec 3, 2004 20:42:33 GMT -5
Yea, I didn't mean you were wrong to use them (In fact I suspected that you used the words because they fit some reference to the play which I, being grosley uneducated in such hight culture, don't see) Just pointing it out in case they happened to be random.
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Post by bezzerkker on Dec 4, 2004 15:01:27 GMT -5
Don't worry about it. It took me awhile to figure out what the heck I meant when I wrote it. ^^;;
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Post by Arachis on Dec 4, 2004 16:22:13 GMT -5
personally I dont like the meter...
but otherwise.. its ok. Is everything in the poem a direct quote from shakespeare?
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Post by bezzerkker on Dec 6, 2004 0:32:33 GMT -5
No, only the first line is a quote. I can see about how the meter is screwy. While writing it, I didn't even consider meter. Heck, I just wanted extra credit points.
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Post by Arachis on Dec 6, 2004 0:38:16 GMT -5
lol... that explains a lot...
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Post by bezzerkker on Dec 6, 2004 0:51:07 GMT -5
As of late, I've been trying to make my poems have good meter, but it's kinda difficult if you're not used to it.
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