Post by henry on Feb 24, 2003 18:58:12 GMT -5
***Two of the shortest words in the English language are "YES" and "NO" and yet they are often the ones that require the most thought before they are said. NOT A FUCKING QUESTION.
***If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? Because you suck.
***When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts?,' and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? It's saved, or earned, or something.
***"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
- Phyllis Diller NOT A FUCKING QUESTION.
***"if a cat always lands on it's feet, and a buttered piece of bread always lands buttered side down, then a cat with a buttered piece of bread strapped to its back when dropped will hover inches above the ground in a state of quantum indecision." NO. The bread shalt be catapultethed unto the ground, buttered side downeth, several yardeths away from the cat, which shalt landeth upon it's feet.
***If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?You can find out by choking Silver Cherries.
***What happens if you get scared half to death twice? (this one I've already answered...but I'd like to see your thoughts!)You'll be three-quarters dead.
***How can there be "self help GROUPS"? The group helps each individual to help him or her self.
***If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? No.
***If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Because they don't, you fucking sheep.
***If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? Babies, because all oils are made through identical processes.
***If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Christian fetii.
***Isn't it a little scary that a doctors work is called practice? Nope.
***What color is a chameleon on a mirror?Whatever color it was before it looked into the mirror.
***What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?We were ungrateful to the cause of our non-floatingness...or we would have been, had any of us existed.
***What is another word for "thesaurus"?I don't know, why don't you check the thesaurus, little miss smarty pants? HMM?
***Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? "Fat chance" is traditionally said in a sarcastic tone, thus reversing the expressed meaning.
***Why do they report power outages on TV? For the rare power outage that doesn't effect the entire TV-watching populace of Earth.
***If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? Because you suck.
***When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts?,' and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? It's saved, or earned, or something.
***"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
- Phyllis Diller NOT A FUCKING QUESTION.
***"if a cat always lands on it's feet, and a buttered piece of bread always lands buttered side down, then a cat with a buttered piece of bread strapped to its back when dropped will hover inches above the ground in a state of quantum indecision." NO. The bread shalt be catapultethed unto the ground, buttered side downeth, several yardeths away from the cat, which shalt landeth upon it's feet.
***If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?You can find out by choking Silver Cherries.
***What happens if you get scared half to death twice? (this one I've already answered...but I'd like to see your thoughts!)You'll be three-quarters dead.
***How can there be "self help GROUPS"? The group helps each individual to help him or her self.
***If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? No.
***If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Because they don't, you fucking sheep.
***If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? Babies, because all oils are made through identical processes.
***If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Christian fetii.
***Isn't it a little scary that a doctors work is called practice? Nope.
***What color is a chameleon on a mirror?Whatever color it was before it looked into the mirror.
***What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?We were ungrateful to the cause of our non-floatingness...or we would have been, had any of us existed.
***What is another word for "thesaurus"?I don't know, why don't you check the thesaurus, little miss smarty pants? HMM?
***Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? "Fat chance" is traditionally said in a sarcastic tone, thus reversing the expressed meaning.
***Why do they report power outages on TV? For the rare power outage that doesn't effect the entire TV-watching populace of Earth.