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Post by >>The Neon One on Mar 29, 2004 13:09:56 GMT -5
Is it possible to absolutely and completely forgive someone to the point where you never ever think about the incident?
We read this story in Spanish class (it was in Spanish) that talked about Cain and Abel meeting again some time after their deaths. Cain feels guilty and horrible, until Abel says, "You know, I forget. Did you kill me or did I kill you?" He encourages Cain to forget the incident completely. I'm not even sure if I agree with the message. Is it okay to forget large incidents in the name of healing and accepting forgiveness?
So for that matter, is true forgiveness really a desired outcome?
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Post by KillinKrillan on Mar 29, 2004 15:49:29 GMT -5
Well there is a difference between the two - forgetting and forgiving.
You can never truly forget an incident unless you severly repress it, in which case it will probably come back to haunt you (so, as you can see, that wont really work) Or you hit yourself upside the head with a hammer and give yourself brain damage so you can't remember even if you wanted to.
None of that probably made sense, but in short, who would want to forget something anyway? Some people may, but I don't think I ever would.
To forgive someone completely? Sure, why not? If someone kills your best friend, and you forgive them, you wouldn't want to forget about your friend, it would usually just mean you are no longer angry at the murderer. No longer angry as well as everything else along with it, no longer sad, no longer... etc.
You may never trust that person again because they have proven themsleves capable of taking someone's life, but only after you can look at who did it without getting angry or sad have you forgiven them.
Ugh... Too many scattered thoughts up there, I'm not sure if I answered your question, but I hope I added some insight.
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Post by Archagon on Mar 29, 2004 17:23:06 GMT -5
Yes, that's exactly right. You can definitely forgive someone completely - as a matter of fact, this is encouraged by [my] religion - but often times the memory of the event sill lingers, even if in a state of aquired neutrality.
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Post by Arachis on Mar 29, 2004 18:27:35 GMT -5
However, does that mean you truly forgive them if you actively remember the event? I beleive that the meaning is not so much you have to completely forget the event, but that you have to actively forget it. Ie so that you dont think about it unless someone brings it up. This means that you truly have forgiven the person, you have forgiven them so completely that you dont remember the event as being outsanding, and therefore it fades away in your memory, just like your 7th birthday party (or some other random event). However, it doesnt mean that the person who feels guilty should also forget. Although Forgiven, he should always remember the act as a lesson and remindor.
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Post by KillinKrillan on Mar 29, 2004 18:48:45 GMT -5
Although Forgiven, he should always remember the act as a lesson and remindor. I will disagree with you on that. Why should the person who committed whatever the act be the sole person to remember? Shouldn't all people remember and learn from the mistake made by one?
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Post by Haku on Mar 29, 2004 20:44:53 GMT -5
do you guys think that it is ok to make a mistake as long as you learn from it?
what about if that mistake harms someone else?
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Post by flirtayangel on Mar 29, 2004 21:08:17 GMT -5
It really depends on the the person. For me, I doubt it...I've held grudges for awhile...I might forget whatever it was that I'm against them for. But I think it's difficult to restore everything that as broken.
~*~Me
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Post by KillinKrillan on Mar 29, 2004 21:22:54 GMT -5
do you guys think that it is ok to make a mistake as long as you learn from it? what about if that mistake harms someone else? Mistakes are designed to teach us something. They are needed in life. They are ok
If it's a small mistake, usually we will make it more and more until we finally learn.
If the mistake was big enough to actually harm someone, depending on how badly, we would certainly learn the lesson right away.
An example of these two things would be a math problem, and working with a saw. When doing a math problem, depending on how difficult it is, you may make several mistakes, but think nothing of it - what does that matter? If you were cutting something with a saw and cut off someone's finger... I think you got the message, and will always better handle yourself around such things.
In short, all mistakes are to teach. Those smaller take more time, those bigger take less time.
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Post by Arachis on Mar 31, 2004 22:45:08 GMT -5
Not necessarily true, we learn more from the consequences of our mistake. If we were to chop somebodies hand off, and nobody was to reproach us for it, or make us feel guilty about it, or shun us at all, then the lesson wouldnt be learnt, furthermore if people were to praise us for it, then the person might cut off more hands in order to get more praise. The point is that it is not the severity of the mistake that makes us learn but the severity of the consequences. If somebody finds that some small petty mistake is a horrible crime, tells you so, and punishes you for doing it, you may learn not to do it very fast.
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Post by KillinKrillan on Apr 1, 2004 19:50:57 GMT -5
What about self punishment? If you know what you did was wrong, you will feel guilty without anyones help.
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Post by Arachis on Apr 1, 2004 22:23:14 GMT -5
Even if you think something is wrong, if everybody else praises you for your action, will you really try to learn from it, and try to fix it?
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