Post by Nature's Fury on Sept 18, 2003 19:13:24 GMT -5
The tears stream down my face
unchecked
nothing can stop the flood
the pain I feel within is magnified
and collects behind my eyes
to fall as beads of saline and water
to be absorbed by the frail fabric I clutch
agony lances through me
it travels from my heart to my head
and spreads, constricting my lungs
and strangling my stomach
I try to staunch the flow of silver tears
try to make myself breathe
I tell myself it is unimportant
but my heart sees through the lie
were I to look, I would see lances
black and red and razor sharp
lances that lace through my veins
and tear my nerves apart
no longer simply emotional pain
it expands untill it hurts even to breathe
I cover the skin torn by my anguish
and pray no one will see the scars of my shame
scars beneath silk linger
marks of a torture I cannot fight
and yet I must hide the hurt as I hide the scars
I must not allow those who know me to know the cause
it shames me to be so weak
to fold beneath the pain like a paper doll
The pain is doubled by my own determination to refute it
feeding on my embarrassed loathing of self
I feel as though I drop through a void
lost and unreachable to anything but the pain
I can no longer hide the marks of my weeping
nor the effects of nights spent crying myself to sleep
perversely the fear of others guessing my shame
is increased by the traces my weakness leaves
I struggle against the spiral
but my heart my mind does not deceive
If I fail to conceal what I feel
would they truly look upon me with scorn?
I don't believe they are so callus
but I cannot trust and I dare not ask
So I hide, and I weep
and I hide myself more
not trusting myself to see
the looks in their eyes as my weakness consumes me
unchecked
nothing can stop the flood
the pain I feel within is magnified
and collects behind my eyes
to fall as beads of saline and water
to be absorbed by the frail fabric I clutch
agony lances through me
it travels from my heart to my head
and spreads, constricting my lungs
and strangling my stomach
I try to staunch the flow of silver tears
try to make myself breathe
I tell myself it is unimportant
but my heart sees through the lie
were I to look, I would see lances
black and red and razor sharp
lances that lace through my veins
and tear my nerves apart
no longer simply emotional pain
it expands untill it hurts even to breathe
I cover the skin torn by my anguish
and pray no one will see the scars of my shame
scars beneath silk linger
marks of a torture I cannot fight
and yet I must hide the hurt as I hide the scars
I must not allow those who know me to know the cause
it shames me to be so weak
to fold beneath the pain like a paper doll
The pain is doubled by my own determination to refute it
feeding on my embarrassed loathing of self
I feel as though I drop through a void
lost and unreachable to anything but the pain
I can no longer hide the marks of my weeping
nor the effects of nights spent crying myself to sleep
perversely the fear of others guessing my shame
is increased by the traces my weakness leaves
I struggle against the spiral
but my heart my mind does not deceive
If I fail to conceal what I feel
would they truly look upon me with scorn?
I don't believe they are so callus
but I cannot trust and I dare not ask
So I hide, and I weep
and I hide myself more
not trusting myself to see
the looks in their eyes as my weakness consumes me