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Post by Archagon on Nov 19, 2003 2:24:19 GMT -5
An endless sea beyond the clouds, A plain devoid of screaming crowds, A seaside splash, a gasping breath, A brush with brothers Life and Death, An icy wind to wash your face, Eternity and its embrace, An iron fence that stands alone, The place it guards, entombed in stone, The soul of poetry and song, Quintessence of both right and wrong, A marble plate, an opal ring, The odes the shining raindrops sing, The silent water, Black and Blue, The flame that burns in but a few, A dream, a touch, a breathless plea – That’s what the night brings out in me.
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Post by BlueDolphin on Nov 19, 2003 20:11:46 GMT -5
I like the rhyming. It goes along very nicely.
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Post by geneva on Nov 20, 2003 13:04:26 GMT -5
ooo iambic quadrameter.... It's nearly in perfect form but for the line which reads The soul of poetry of song... The way you have to say poetry just stricks me as wrong since it's forced into the stress syllables not normally used when spoken... It's not bad but it's the one flaw in yourotherwise perfect iambicness
perhaps you could change it to
The soul of Musings and of Song
or
The soul of Verse, the heart of song
or something of the sort
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Post by Little Miss Odd on Nov 23, 2003 23:12:26 GMT -5
kudos for alexei! yay!
no, i don't mean chocolate... buy it yourself
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