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Post by bezzerkker on Mar 22, 2004 19:20:01 GMT -5
feather of lead soul light as lead living as the dead loud as a tomb soothing as a wound calming histeria bitter ambrosia wayward logic speaks true matters not what I do need some sign marker for cross'd line point of black in light hidden crime in right emotions subdued pain ensues credits roll, screen fades it ends, with me in a daze
(unfinished chorus thing) still, I am lost it's extractin' a cost now I must confess I'm considered less Feather of lead Living what I dread
untitled bored, I sit shackeled, I live escape forbidden from this world of hate the exit is sealed death, its key but smiling, I wait in the place of pain patiently wasting time finding hidden joys but all to soon it comes the portal lies unbarred
mists clinging mists clear revealing much the land beneath its shroud repealed insight enlightened strength reinforced all lies bare & clear to curious eyes probing catiously discovering much
sunbeam dust speaks shine brightly in sumbeams, drifting downwards the clouds have parted
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Post by Arachis on Mar 24, 2004 3:15:50 GMT -5
The first one would be more appropriate as a song, because music could add to it the melody and rhythm that it is lacking. The next two are good poems, and the last one... well, It seems like it is supposed to be imagist in style, but I dont think it succeeds very well in conveying any particular image... But 3/4 is still good. i mean its a C right?
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Post by bezzerkker on Mar 25, 2004 19:26:40 GMT -5
I wrote the first one as song lyrics, sorta thats why theres and unfinished chorus thing the last one I was just really, really bored and didn't have anything in mind at all... it just came out, I can't even come up with some meaning to it >.<
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Post by Arachis on Mar 25, 2004 21:59:39 GMT -5
yeah... but the middle two are still good..
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Post by bezzerkker on Mar 27, 2004 2:32:45 GMT -5
thank you, I would say they sucked because I'm just trying to get comfortable with free verse style and I'm not there yet
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