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Post by Archagon on Mar 23, 2004 1:05:11 GMT -5
Okay, I admit, I didn't write all of this just now. I actually found an old poem that I was working on but never got around to finishing and patched it up. Voila, enjoy.
WHISPERED LAMENT
Drippety-drop as the lifeblood draws thin, The last of the crimson withdrawn from within. The hand is left open, aware of its sin, As beadlets roll down off the colourless skin.
The mouth is shaped loosely and curved in a smile, The eyes distance sparks of despair and denial. The chest is heaved forth, out of breath for a while... A while eternal, sings metal's sweet guile.
The door is still closed and the body not found, The slowing red drips reign alone in their sound. The bath is the world that the sun goes around, A desolate tombstone, a burial mound.
Drippety-drop as the last breaths are bled, The onece-azure waters now ripple in red. She's only asleep! So don't trouble her bed, For nothing, alas, can awaken the dead.
This is a work in progress, and is prone to change.
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Post by Antid on Mar 23, 2004 1:33:03 GMT -5
Like I said before, Alexei, you have a gift for beautiful lyrical poetry.
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Post by Archagon on Mar 23, 2004 1:36:24 GMT -5
Thank you But, I'm afraid, it's getting harder and harder. I haven't been faithful to my writing, and without practice, technique has a tendency to loosen.
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Post by bezzerkker on Mar 23, 2004 21:20:11 GMT -5
very nice work, good vocab and rythm, much applause is due *insert applause* and be more faithuful to your writing, you bum! no talent should go to waste, especially poetic talent
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Post by Arachis on Mar 24, 2004 3:11:45 GMT -5
very good...reminds me in subject and by the permeation of discriptive elements, of one of Walt Whitmans poems that I recently read... Great poem, very descriptive, nice rhyme and meter.... what else is there to say?
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