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Post by Archagon on May 1, 2004 12:56:38 GMT -5
Hm. Even I surprized me...what were the chances that I would create not one, but three new poems after a longtime absense from the field?
The first one was written using a special formula for writing that I devised (or one that I perhaps discovered). This was a test for it, and although I didn't follow my rules to their entirety, it turned out quite well.
LEGACY OF A PIANIST
'Wake as smiles, songbirds pranced, O'er the songlet's monochrome; Sunlit lovers took the dance, In one's soul they found their home.
Rippled then our spectre crowds, As their breath held in their hearts; For with music, and with sound, Heaven felt a breath apart.
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This second one was written impromptu, with no formulas (formulae?). I messed up on line one, accepting "reprise" to mean "shelter", and only in the middle of the poem snapped out of my stupor. Oh well, I'll fix it later. I kindof took the idea from an earlier poem I wrote, so you could say I plagiarized myself...
THE NECESSITY OF SLEEP
Dreams are, lastly, a reprise, When our leaders, cold as sleaze, Drive us to unconscious daze, As our values they enslave, With their wars, and fronts, and bombs, Taxes paying for their mobs, In their eyes a heartless gleam... Thank the Lord we still can dream!
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Finally, a short poem about an artist.
AN ANCIENT KING
A namelss age, an ancient king, Upon a cloth his mantle swings - Through meadows gleams, through wheat fields flies... And in this land his spirit lies.
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Post by Archagon on May 1, 2004 13:02:14 GMT -5
DISCLAIMER: I do not believe these poems, as all my others, are worth much, even if by common consent they are ruled quintessential (which is not going to happen). They are not good until I feel they are, and these will forever be remembered as pieces written by me when I was still young and ignorant. They are being displayed only to take in criticism.
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Post by Arachis on May 1, 2004 17:46:19 GMT -5
reprise doesnt exactly mean shelter, but it sounds similar to retreat so perhaps that is why you took it to mean shelter. I was fooled at first too, so dont worry.
Furthermore, out of curiosity, what is the formula for the first poem, is it simply based on the meter (since the rhyme scheme you use is relatively simple and common) or is there something I missed.
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Post by Antid on May 1, 2004 19:45:13 GMT -5
Wow! Those first two (especially the impromptu) are awesome!
Alexei, I bow to you.
If I were Salieri, I'd be jealous right about now.
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Post by Arachis on May 1, 2004 21:49:49 GMT -5
Been watching a bit too much Amadeus have we Dmitry?
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Post by A Shy Cat on May 3, 2004 1:11:38 GMT -5
interesting
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Post by bezzerkker on May 3, 2004 15:37:39 GMT -5
as magister said, the first two are good. The first flows quite nicely and the second seems that it expressed the desired emotion properly, good job *claps*
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