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Tensho
May 22, 2004 14:25:41 GMT -5
Post by Antid on May 22, 2004 14:25:41 GMT -5
This poem is out of my style, but I think it's one of the best I've written recently. You must read it slowly, and really listen to the sound of the words.
Tensho
The wave... ferocious calmness crashing down on me..., breathe in..., I hear... the formidable ocean flowing free..., breathe in..., No splash... instead the fluid motion of the sea..., breathe in..., breathe out..., breathe in...,
I wish... to live as water, free and uniform..., breathe in..., To surge... throughout the Cretian oceans, firm and warm..., breathe in..., To dash... upon the shore and lather it with foam..., breathe in..., breathe out..., breathe in...,
To flood... through life, forever forwards stretch and reach..., breathe in..., To breathe... for fun when death shall fasten like a leech..., breathe in..., And finish with... a final, peaceful breath, out on the beach...., breathe in..., breathe out...
EDIT: Darn it! The location of the lines matters, but it won't let me have tabs!
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Tensho
May 22, 2004 20:28:44 GMT -5
Post by KillinKrillan on May 22, 2004 20:28:44 GMT -5
You could just put 5 spaces... or more if needed.
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Tensho
May 23, 2004 0:30:27 GMT -5
Post by Archagon on May 23, 2004 0:30:27 GMT -5
Interesting. I see you took the law of rhythm and made it literal in a poem which uses it. Gives it a unique mirror-in-mirror effect.
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Tensho
May 23, 2004 14:28:10 GMT -5
Post by Antid on May 23, 2004 14:28:10 GMT -5
There's a law of rhythm?
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Tensho
May 23, 2004 15:27:34 GMT -5
Post by Archagon on May 23, 2004 15:27:34 GMT -5
There's a law of everything, although usually not easily read.
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Tensho
May 23, 2004 17:31:14 GMT -5
Post by geneva on May 23, 2004 17:31:14 GMT -5
how amusing i was tempted to post here earlier that to alexei there were laws to everything... won't be essecary now, will it? ;D
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Tensho
May 23, 2004 17:54:11 GMT -5
Post by Archagon on May 23, 2004 17:54:11 GMT -5
It's true. Well, kindof...nevermind. I don't feel like writing an essay right now... x_-
By the way, what's "Tensho"?
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Tensho
May 23, 2004 18:36:23 GMT -5
Post by Antid on May 23, 2004 18:36:23 GMT -5
It's the name of a katta we do in my martial arts class.
The breathing associated with the moves is similar in sound to ocean waves, and movements are very round, simple, and powerful. That was my inspiration for this poem.
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Tensho
May 24, 2004 8:32:50 GMT -5
Post by Arachis on May 24, 2004 8:32:50 GMT -5
Dmitry... since when did you like water... moreover the ocean! I thought you were allergic to it!
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Tensho
May 24, 2004 13:50:25 GMT -5
Post by Antid on May 24, 2004 13:50:25 GMT -5
I'm allergic to whatever it is in your algae-teeming pool that makes me sick whenever I swim in it.
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Tensho
May 24, 2004 13:54:29 GMT -5
Post by Arachis on May 24, 2004 13:54:29 GMT -5
My pool has less algae than the ocean!
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Tensho
May 24, 2004 14:45:48 GMT -5
Post by geneva on May 24, 2004 14:45:48 GMT -5
but does it have less algea PROPORTIONALLY?
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Tensho
May 24, 2004 19:37:17 GMT -5
Post by Nature's Fury on May 24, 2004 19:37:17 GMT -5
Wow... That's really amazing. I like the way the poem moves... I'm very impressed, it flows really well.
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Tensho
May 25, 2004 16:46:24 GMT -5
Post by Antid on May 25, 2004 16:46:24 GMT -5
Thank you
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