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Post by BlueDolphin on May 31, 2004 11:10:02 GMT -5
I'm not good a poetry. I am wondering what you people think of this so far?
The stone lies still Its expression calm Its perch stable Nestled in its corner
Motionless, it stares forward Observing the centuries Collecting junk and wisdom From the surroundings
Ideas come and go Everything changes The stone remains still Ever quiet as before
One day it disappears Its surroundings look the same The memories of the stone Fade away.
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Post by Little Miss Odd on May 31, 2004 11:13:43 GMT -5
The stone lies still Expression calm Perch stable Nestled in its corner
Motionless, it stares forward Observing the centuries Collecting dust and wisdom From the surroundings
Ideas come and go Everything changes The stone remains still Ever quiet as before
One day it disappears But nothing changes The memories of the stone Fade away.
this could just be me and my weird style in everything ignore me, i'm the one who does not like english class
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Post by BlueDolphin on May 31, 2004 22:20:16 GMT -5
I personally dislike this poem. What could be improved about it? Or should I rewrite it completely?
I was born in California But to Asian parents I speak English outside But I hear Mandarin at home
Where am I from? China? It doesn’t matter All Asians are “Chinese”
They live over the ocean Across the vast expanse Of Water, culture, values
But across all of this they stretch To give me their foreign imports Another new year I must celebrate. Along with the other New Year
Where am I from? They ask?
I am from here.
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Post by Arachis on May 31, 2004 22:34:49 GMT -5
yeah..... I dont know, Its not bad but its not all that good... If you can write better... then rewrite it... otherwise it isnt unacceptable.
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Post by geneva on May 31, 2004 22:37:22 GMT -5
i really like hte first one. good job jeff
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Post by Antid on Jun 4, 2004 19:48:59 GMT -5
Is it for your Tapestry? Here's my suggestion: Born in California Asian parents' pride, English on outside Mandarin inside. Ask me where I come from, Ask, from across which seas, But in your eyes' reflection, All Asians are Chinese. They live across the ocean, Across the vast expanse Of culture, values, notions, Across this vastness they stretch to me Their imported foreign gifts Another New Year I must celebrate. Despite the separating rift. Where am I from, they ask? I am from here. (So There! )
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Post by Archagon on Jun 4, 2004 20:51:01 GMT -5
There's a 90% chance that you wrote that not to help out Jeff but because you simply felt like it.
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Post by Arachis on Jun 4, 2004 23:18:28 GMT -5
no make that 99% Dmitry only helps people volontarily when he has the time, and since he has no time he only does it when he feels like it (or if you beg him)
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Post by Archagon on Jun 5, 2004 1:30:34 GMT -5
Yes I assumed as much. External reason: "I'm helping Jeff!" Underground motivators: "Look what I wrote!!" ;D Actually, probabilities don't work here, as the event has already happened, unless they refer to one's expectations.
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Post by Arachis on Jun 5, 2004 8:50:22 GMT -5
exactly... havnt you ever made a bet on something thats already happened? Ie luke skywalkers light saber is blue, no its green. then you can make a probability for it.
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Post by Antid on Jun 5, 2004 14:30:20 GMT -5
Actually, it's sort of a mix of both. Ali is being very unfair - I always help my friends. And I'm not showing off this poem - the meaning is the same, I only changed it to what I think sounds better. Why all the mistrust?
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Post by Antid on Jun 5, 2004 14:30:57 GMT -5
no make that 99% Dmitry only helps people volontarily when he has the time, and since he has no time he only does it when he feels like it (or if you beg him) That's mean and not true.
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Post by BlueDolphin on Jun 5, 2004 14:49:29 GMT -5
Thanks Dimitri! I like your version as well.
However, I already turned my Tapestry in...
Oh well thanks much anyways for the help. I really appreciate it. ;D
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Post by Archagon on Jun 5, 2004 18:20:40 GMT -5
Actually, it's sort of a mix of both. Ali is being very unfair - I always help my friends. And I'm not showing off this poem - the meaning is the same, I only changed it to what I think sounds better. Why all the mistrust? I wasn't really serious
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