|
Post by Antid on Jul 23, 2004 12:02:12 GMT -5
Beware, when animals attack, it's not a pretty sight - They organize into a pack, and then march off to fight. Their war cries - howls and screeches - ring, within man's frightened ear, They tear, they claw, they bite, they sting, without a trace of fear.
When desperate animals rebel, you shouldn't be surprised - They've suffered more than I can tell, as cities grew in size, They've lost their homes to human greed, as trees were hacked away, Beware, for pushed by desperate need, they might rise up one day.
|
|
|
Post by BlueDolphin on Jul 23, 2004 14:47:46 GMT -5
Good poem! I really like the rhythm as well as the subject matter.
|
|
|
Post by bezzerkker on Jul 24, 2004 1:13:22 GMT -5
this poem is AWESOME!!! ;D
|
|
|
Post by Antid on Jul 24, 2004 12:55:10 GMT -5
thank you
|
|
|
Post by Hans Lemurson on Jul 24, 2004 23:46:22 GMT -5
Yeah, I thought it was good too. Its rythm is nice, It reminds me of some other poems that I can't remember... The rythm didn't really take effect until the end of the first verse though...but when it came in it was good.
|
|
|
Post by Archagon on Jul 25, 2004 7:23:06 GMT -5
I agree, good poem! You always tie loose ends together with rhyme and symmetry, which is very desirable.
|
|
|
Post by Arachis on Jul 31, 2004 2:44:43 GMT -5
I find that there are only two problems.
1. it isnt long enough. As a result the pleasure I recieve from reading such a beutifully crafted and pleasing poem is over with too quickly!
2. the line "their war cries- howls and screeches- ring..... annoys me because the seperation of "howls and screeches" from the rest of the line by dashes makes me read it in a manner that disrupts the flow of the rest of the poem.
However I believe if you fix the first problem by adding lines before the first stanza, then the second problem will fix itself, since the beat acquired from previous perusal will force me to read out that line in the required beat for it to fit with the meter of the poem. Anyways... Good Job!
|
|
|
Post by henry on Aug 15, 2004 1:26:39 GMT -5
this poem speaks volumes on human nature and the world in which we reside.
|
|
|
Post by Archagon on Aug 15, 2004 16:14:36 GMT -5
1. it isnt long enough. As a result the pleasure I recieve from reading such a beutifully crafted and pleasing poem is over with too quickly! Call me pessimistic, but I doubt we're at the age where writing a three tome novel in poetry about animals and their inner struggle against repressive human control would simply come.
|
|
|
Post by Antid on Aug 15, 2004 20:47:43 GMT -5
^Thank you!
|
|
|
Post by Arachis on Aug 15, 2004 23:52:37 GMT -5
did I say three tome novel? no... two-ten stanzas would have satiated me... I mean thats not asking much is it? welll maybe it is... but it doesnt matter bevause chances are Im not getting it anyway
|
|