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Post by Devastatingly Yours on Jun 13, 2004 22:06:06 GMT -5
Tell me.... Should I keep writing this story?
Reena stared into the dark pool, watching as it rippled softly with her tears. It seemed to shimmer as each silvery drop hit its surface, distorting her already bizarre reflection past all point of recognition. She put a hand up to her face, surveying her features with a critical eye. Her eyes stared back at her, a strange ivy green, clouded over with weeping and halfway hidden by locks of dark brown hair. Angrily, she brushed her hair out of her face, pressing her lips together in a determined line. She looked, she thought, like a wild thing. Her parents had thought her beautiful. Yes, her parents... they who now stood rooted behind her, a pair of trees forever locked in an embrace.
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Post by bezzerkker on Jun 13, 2004 23:42:45 GMT -5
yeah, get a good plot and it should be very good. Nice writing style, I really enjoy the descriptive quality
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Post by BlueDolphin on Jun 14, 2004 9:27:32 GMT -5
I agree. The description is very vivid. Sounds like this story has lots of potential.
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Post by Devastatingly Yours on Jun 14, 2004 20:41:48 GMT -5
Here's a slight update in the plot... still working this thing out. Moon Pool Reena stared into the dark pool, watching as it rippled softly with her tears. It seemed to shimmer as each silvery drop hit its surface, distorting her already bizarre reflection past all point of recognition. She put a hand up to her face, surveying her features with a critical eye. Her eyes stared back at her, a strange ivy green, clouded over with weeping and halfway hidden by locks of dark brown hair. Angrily, she brushed her hair out of her face, pressing her lips together in a determined line. She looked, she thought, like a wild thing. Her parents had thought her beautiful. Yes, her parents... they who now stood rooted behind her, a pair of trees forever locked in an embrace. Bitterly, she glanced at the moon over her shoulder. The change should not have been permanent. She was certain that they had taken the proper precautions before drinking of the waters. Reena returned her gaze to the pool, staring hatefully into its depths. She wanted to reach out a hand and strike it, shatter the spell that held her parents in its grasp. They had read the scrolls right, she had been absolutely positive that they had. After so many nights pouring over it, how could they not have? Her mind wandering, she remembered the promise given by the moon scrolls. The ancient writings had said that if one drank of the waters of the moon pool, one would be transformed into a child of the earth and healed of even the most mortal of wounds. She had read through the spell carefully, looking for every sign of danger within its weave. She had found none. They were to have been transformed by the powers of the bearer into a shape that was to last only a fortnight. A fortnight. She grimaced in disgust at her folly. If only she had read the inscribing on the outside of the scroll. What should have lasted a mere two weeks had been prolonged into countless years, and all because she had forgotten about the full moon. It should have been obvious, she thought idly. The pool's power was said to be deeply affected by the lunar phases. Again, she felt the strong desire to strike at it. That would be folly itself, as her hand would receive the same fate that her parents were even now enduring. She could still hear their thoughts, but they were not the thoughts of people. Reena laughed, tears caught in her throat as she realized that they were happier now than they had ever been in their natural state.
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Post by Arachis on Jul 5, 2004 8:57:51 GMT -5
continue!!!
An interesting plot, but I would reccomend elongating the other two paragraphs over some other occurance, and try to write more in the style of the first paragraph. That paragraph was beutiful!
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