Post by Alien_Anomaly on Jul 8, 2002 0:27:45 GMT -5
Folks,
I'd like to sing a song about the American dream,
about me,
about you,
about the way that our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests,
About that special feeling we get in the c0ckles of our hearts,
maybe below the c0ckles, in the sub-c0ckle area, maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys, maybe even in the colon, we don't know.
I'm just a regular joe, with a regular job,
I'm your average white, suburbanite slob,
I like football, and porno, and books about war,
I got an average house, with a nice hard wood floor,
My wife, and my job, my kids and my car, my feet on my table, and a cuban cigar,
But sometimes that just, ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no, no way, uh uhh)
No, i've gotta go out and have fun, at someone else's expense
(woah ya, ya ya, ya ya ya)
I drive really slow,
In the ultra fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane,
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an a$$hole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an a$$hole, such an a$$hole)
I use public toilets,
and I piss on the seats,
I walk around in the summertime,
saying "How 'bout this heat!"
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an a$$hole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole
(he's the worlds biggest a$$hole)
Sometimes I park,
in the handicap spaces,
while handicapped people,
make handicapped faces,
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an asshole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's a real f**cking a$$hole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song,
ranting and raving and carrying on,
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong,
NA!!!!
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's and a$$hole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's the worlds biggest a$$hole)
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 cadillac el dorado convertable, HOT PINK! With whale skin hubcaps, and all leather cow interior, and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And i'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from mcdonalds in the old fashion non-biodegradable style styrofoam containers, and when i'm down sucking down those grease ball burgers, i'm gonna wipe my mouth on the american flag, and then i'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side, and there ain't a g0d d4mn thing anyone can do about it, you know why? Because we got the bombs, thats why, two words, nuclear f*cking weapons ok? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want, they can have a big democracy cake walk right down the middle of tienimen square, and it won't make a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Waynes not dead, hes frozen, and when we find a cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiply that by 15,000,000 times thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be! I'm gonna get the duke, and John Castonelli, and Lee Marvin, (hey) Sam Peckenraw, (hey!) and a case of whiskey, (hey!) and (hey!)drive down (hey!) the texas (hey!) highway (hey!). (You know you really are an a$$hole)
Why don't you just shutup and sing the song pal.
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an a$$hole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's the worlds biggest a$$hole)
[chanting]A, SS, HO, LE, everybody!
A, SS, HO, LE!
[trails off with grunts and music]
I'm an a$$hole and i'm proud of it.
I'd like to sing a song about the American dream,
about me,
about you,
about the way that our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests,
About that special feeling we get in the c0ckles of our hearts,
maybe below the c0ckles, in the sub-c0ckle area, maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys, maybe even in the colon, we don't know.
I'm just a regular joe, with a regular job,
I'm your average white, suburbanite slob,
I like football, and porno, and books about war,
I got an average house, with a nice hard wood floor,
My wife, and my job, my kids and my car, my feet on my table, and a cuban cigar,
But sometimes that just, ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no, no way, uh uhh)
No, i've gotta go out and have fun, at someone else's expense
(woah ya, ya ya, ya ya ya)
I drive really slow,
In the ultra fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane,
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an a$$hole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an a$$hole, such an a$$hole)
I use public toilets,
and I piss on the seats,
I walk around in the summertime,
saying "How 'bout this heat!"
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an a$$hole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole
(he's the worlds biggest a$$hole)
Sometimes I park,
in the handicap spaces,
while handicapped people,
make handicapped faces,
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an asshole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's a real f**cking a$$hole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song,
ranting and raving and carrying on,
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong,
NA!!!!
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's and a$$hole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's the worlds biggest a$$hole)
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 cadillac el dorado convertable, HOT PINK! With whale skin hubcaps, and all leather cow interior, and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And i'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from mcdonalds in the old fashion non-biodegradable style styrofoam containers, and when i'm down sucking down those grease ball burgers, i'm gonna wipe my mouth on the american flag, and then i'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side, and there ain't a g0d d4mn thing anyone can do about it, you know why? Because we got the bombs, thats why, two words, nuclear f*cking weapons ok? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want, they can have a big democracy cake walk right down the middle of tienimen square, and it won't make a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Waynes not dead, hes frozen, and when we find a cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiply that by 15,000,000 times thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be! I'm gonna get the duke, and John Castonelli, and Lee Marvin, (hey) Sam Peckenraw, (hey!) and a case of whiskey, (hey!) and (hey!)drive down (hey!) the texas (hey!) highway (hey!). (You know you really are an a$$hole)
Why don't you just shutup and sing the song pal.
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's an a$$hole, what an a$$hole)
I'm an a$$hole,
(he's the worlds biggest a$$hole)
[chanting]A, SS, HO, LE, everybody!
A, SS, HO, LE!
[trails off with grunts and music]
I'm an a$$hole and i'm proud of it.